Adventure Time with Leland and Cerbearusdad

(come on grab your friends)
(we'll go to very distant Lands)
(with Leland the hermit and Cerbearusdad the curmudgeonly fluffy lusus naturae)
(the fun will never end; it's Adventure Time)

=======>Enter name.
Uh, who are you trying to talk to, here? There ain't nothing here but desert wasteland.

=======>Enter name.
I'm not lying to you. Nothing alive around here, as far as the eye can see.

=======>Enter. Name.
Are you blind? Do you SEE anyone around here? Oh, maybe that rock will tell us its name! Oh wait, it can't, because it's. A fucking. Rock.

=======>Stop being a smartass and get on with the naming.
Seriously, who are you going to ask? That grain of sand? That buzzard over there?
Good luck speaking carnivorous feathery asshole.

=======>Look closer.
What, at the buzzard? Well, it's circling...something. Some idiot who got lost in the desert? Is that who you're talking about?

=======>Yep.
Oh, well...alright then.

Your name is LELAND ODHRÁN. You would give a better introduction than just your name, but you are currently lying on the ground, NEARLY UNCONSCIOUS FROM HEAT EXHAUSTION. This asshole circling around you thinks you for dead, and it won't be long before he's right.

What will you do?

=======> Get up, for Morgan! You cannot let her go unsmooched for too long!

=======> Wipe off that troll sweat and try to assess the situation. Seriously, how did you even get here?

=======> Gosh, pull yourself together! You can't keep meditating so far away from your oasis!

=======> Wipe off that troll sweat and try to assess the situation. Seriously, how did you even get here?

You attempt to focus past the haze spreading through your mind, and think back to this morning. You and your lusus had an argument over whose turn it was to go foraging for food. And your lusus just wouldn't shut up about it until he had his way, so you gave in. Out into the wilderness you went, but you could have sworn you thought of everything. You packed some lunch, plenty of water, and you even packed a compass! But apparently one compass wasn't enough, as the damn thing broke halfway into your trip! You didn't think that was going to happen this time. You'll have to remember to always carry 5 compasses on your person. You know, like any sane troll would.

=======> Get up, for Morgan! You cannot let her go unsmooched for too long!

Ah, but you're so tired...if only you could just rest a little while...
...
...
NO. Dammit, the mysterious voice in your head is right! You can't die and leave your wonderful matesprit all alone! You have to survive! So you keep walking. The buzzard follows.

=======> Gosh, pull yourself together! You can't keep meditating so far away from your oasis!

But you weren't meditating! You were foraging for food, as was just stated. Besides, meditating in the desert is a stupid idea. You know this from experience.

=======> Tell the buzzard to buzz off by throwing the broken compass at it

=======> Find yourself some cactus juice. I hear it's the quenchiest!

=======> Tell the buzzard to buzz off by throwing the broken compass at it

You wing the useless piece of metal wingward. Unfortunately, all it serves to do is make the buzzard angry. Nice going, there, idiot! Now the buzzard is coming right at you. You don't think you'll be able to fend this one off.....so weak...

You brace yourself to attempt to defend yourself the best you can, when suddenly the bird just drops out of the sky! It writhes around a bit before basically crumbling into dust.

...Oh, right. In the heat of the moment, you forgot about your curse. Well, that's settled!


=======> Find yourself some cactus juice. I hear it's the quenchiest!

You find the nearest cactus and get to work. The cactus isn't actively trying to kill you, so it should be immune to your curse. You extract some juice and drink it, quenching your thirst like only the quenchiest thirst-quencher can quench. Way to go!

=======>

Mentally re-oriented, but still directionally disoriented, you inspect your PITCH MODUS sylladex to see if you have anything you can use to direct you homeward.

You have:
-a SACK OF ASSORTED NUTS AND BERRIES from a nearby forest. Well, probably nearby. You don't exactly know where it is at the moment. Foraging is something you've always been good at. You like plants. They don't actively try to kill you, or expect anything more than sunlight, water and nourishment. Sometimes you envy their simplicity.
-an ANTLERBEAST carcass, also from the forest. You don't like hunting, but your lusus will have a fit if he only gets nuts and berries. Besides, though meat may be murder, it is tasty, tasty murder.
-a couple spare HUNTING TRAPS. You can't bring yourself to personally kill your prey, so you lay various traps around an area and let nature work itself out. You're actually surprised you didn't run out of traps this time; that usually happens.
-an empty CANTEEN. Can't go trekking through the desert without water! ...Says the idiot who ran out of the stuff.
-a STICK. It kind of looks like the strange alien letter "Y". Or it would if you knew what that was.
-your trusty WOODEN BATON. A wriggling day gift from your matesprit, this prized possession never leaves your person. One day you will actually use it to conduct something wonderful. Until then, though, it's your good luck charm. ...It doesn't really bring you that much luck.

What will you do now?

=======> Use the Y-shaped stick to find water. It could be the oasis you have your hive settled by!

Alternatively

=======> Shout, "MARCO!"

=======> Gotta keep your head cool. Make a turban out of your shirt!

=======> Gotta keep your head cool. Make a turban out of your shirt!
Normally you would be rather reluctant to do this, but since no one is around to see---oh, who are you kidding, "normally" is when no one's around. You just don't like your body very much. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers right now; keeping yourself from going delirious again is a little more important than your self-image. You remove your shirt and wrap it around your head a few times.
God, it's so hot. You make a mental note that you should really stop procrastinating on foraging/hunting when it's your turn. Maybe then you won't have to go out in the middle of the day.

=======> Use the Y-shaped stick to find water. It could be the oasis you have your hive settled by!
You use the stick as a makeshift dowsing rod. If there's water anywhere around here, it'll be at your hive.
After a minute or two of turning around and mumbling for to yourself, the stick begins to twitch slightly to the left! You head in the direction indicated.

=======> Day dream about somewhere less hot while you walk.

=======> Whistle while you walk!

====> THINK ABOUT GLORIOUS SLOPPY MAKE-OUTS